Goodbye, Roommate

Read time: 3 minutes

Do you relate?

I know I did.

2 of my clients shared this same thought with me during our sessions last week.

I remember having this need to always prove myself.

That although I kept receiving compliments for whatever I was doing, I still didn't quite believe them myself.

It was never enough.

Eventually, it would drive me crazy.

To the point where I would do nothing about it.

And instead of getting to a place where I could prove those "stupid voices" in my head wrong, I'd always end up proving them right.

The self-doubt would win.

But, here's the thing, my friends.

We all have that little voice in our heads.

I know we all relate when I say it feels like having a roommate that never shuts up.

One that thinks they know everything about everything.

One that follows us absolutely everywhere & offers a constant stream of commentary.

Some would refer to it as a shadow.

Others have actually given it a name.

Not because they're crazy but because they know that personifying them ultimately separates them from you.

It creates a different entity.

You may have thought this voice was just a "part of you".

And as a result, you end up believing you are the one saying these nasty things.

However, you couldn't be more wrong.

It's not you.

And the minute you can understand & realize that there lies a big separation between both, you will start to regain control.

Currently, as it stands — this roommate of yours is in the driver's seat of your life.

It says something you don't like.

Which brings you to doubt yourself.

And eventually leads you not to perform the action you had initially planned to do.

Therefore, the conclusion?

That little voice said something.

You listened.

And proved to both yourself (& that little voice) that they are in charge.

What happens from there?

That little voice will continually test you throughout your days & find more ways to gain control.

The more you listen to it... the more signals of control you'll be sending its way.

Your brain & your entire being will start to develop the identity of someone who is full of self-doubt & all those insecurities the voice keeps talking about.

You will literally start walking, talking, & showing up in every facet of your life as that person.

BUT.

There is another path.

Even if you think you've tried everything, there's always another way.

1,400 solutions to everything right?!

First thing first — acknowledge the fact that anything you can observe is not you.

That cloud outside? Not you.

That chair in your kitchen? Not you.

That little voice inside your head? NOT YOU.

If you can observe, see, & are aware of it — then, by definition — it is not you.

This may be a challenging thing to grasp.

But, please — spend the next few days trying to be aware of that voice & it's uninterrupted commentary.

You will hear it.

You will notice it.

You will be aware of it.

Once you do, you've won.

Because that is the moment you've caught it.

Usually, you don't.

And when you don't, you're living unconsciously.

• Going to the gym without intentionality.

• Brushing your teeth with no awareness of the act.

• Working & living the same life day in, and day out with no alertness.

In other words — you're practically sleepwalking through your life.

How to stop it?

Catch it.

Acknowledge it.

Become aware of it.

Then, it's simple.

Do not listen to it.

You have that choice.

You don't have to do anything it says.

I'm sure you've gotten an intrusive thought while driving a car before?

"I could totally turn the car on the pavement or go the wrong way."

Yes, you could.

You 100% could.

But, you don't.

Could isn't are.

You aren't actually doing it.

Why are you able to notice & hear that voice but still choose to not listen to it?!

Because (1) you have an understanding & some self-awareness of what would happen if you did listen to it in this specific example.

And (2) because you know you don't have to listen to it.

Exactly.

And we all get thoughts of self-doubt, too.

There's no difference.

However, I'm aware the latter is much harder to navigate.

And that's why I'll be sharing with you the biggest mindset shift that helped me overcome this big block & finally regain rightful control of my life & my daily actions.

But, that's in Saturday's letter.

Till then, try paying attention to that little roommate of yours.

Watch it.

Speak to it & let it know you hear it.

The more you can do this, the easier it will be to move on to the next step.

Catching & acknowledging is always the first & hardest obstacle.

Get through this one. And the rest will be a piece of cake!

You can do it, my friends.

Thanks for reading!

Much love,

Julian