I Didn’t Show Up Like I Said I Would

Read time: 2.5 minutes

I want to write a newsletter that's more personal today. One that lets you in a little more.

Because lately, I’ve been feeling a bit off.

Not completely out of alignment — but not fully in it either.

And as someone who talks about clarity, self-mastery, and discipline for a living, I feel the need to be honest about that.

Because this journey? It never ends.

I always say: Growth is a mountain with no top. 

There is no final destination. No point where you "arrive" and have it all figured out.

Because the moment you stop climbing, stop observing, stop iterating — you plateau.

And these past few days, I’ve been noticing areas where I’ve been slipping.

Not in huge, dramatic ways. But in small moments that matter.

Like this past weekend.

I told myself I’d disconnect during my ski trip. Be fully present, off my phone, enjoying the moment.

But the first day?

I caught myself checking messages. Thinking about work. Feeling the pull of '"just one more thing" instead of simply being where I was.

In the past, I would’ve wallowed in that.

I would’ve felt frustrated with myself, maybe even let it bleed into the rest of the trip.

But that’s the thing about awareness. Once you see something, you can change it.

There were still two days left on that trip.

So instead of making it mean something about me — "I always do this," "I can’t ever unplug," "I failed" — I simply asked myself:

And then I practiced it.

No overthinking. No beating myself up. Just a simple adjustment in the moment.

And that’s what most people miss about growth.

It’s not about never messing up. It’s about catching yourself faster, course-correcting sooner, and adapting in real-time.

It’s about being brutally honest with yourself — without making it personal.

Because the truth is, most people aren’t honest with themselves.

They say they want to change, but when they notice misalignment, they justify, avoid, or ignore it.

• They tell themselves, “It’s not that bad.” 

• They say, “I’ll do better next time” (without actually changing anything).

• They let their mistakes become their identity instead of just a moment to adjust.

I used to do that too.

But this time? I didn’t.

I took the lesson. I iterated. I moved forward.

And here’s why that’s great news:

I have to do this work.

As a coach, I don’t have the luxury of turning a blind eye to my own habits.

A lawyer can be great at his job and still have terrible personal habits. A surgeon can be world-class and still be out of alignment in his own Life.

But for us coaches?

We have to live what we teach.

And honestly? I love that.

Because in the past, I might’ve resented it.

I might’ve felt exhausted by it.

Like I was always being watched, always having to be "on," always being held to a higher standard.

But now, I see it differently.

I don’t have to do this work.

I get to do this work.

I get to evolve. I get to refine. I get to be held accountable in ways that push me forward.

And if that means catching myself when I’m out of alignment? Good.

That means I’m still growing.

Because at the end of the day... that’s the only thing that really matters.

Thanks for reading.

Much Love as always,

Julian