Read time: 7 minutes

I've been working consistently with my clients for a while now.

It's been the most fulfilling & rewarding work I've ever done.

I genuinely love every aspect of it.

I am passionate about working with people who believe in themselves enough to seek improvement.

The fact that they even made themselves available to me in the first place is remarkable.

But, now to still be showing up in the way that they are...

That's commitment, my friends.

More importantly, that's self-belief.

You wouldn't keep showing up if there wasn't a part of you, no matter how small, that believed in your potential to improve and become the best version of yourself.

That is exactly one of the many things I help my clients see & notice.

It all begins with awareness.

This leads us to one of the biggest revelations & results that one of my clients, Martin (not his real name), has achieved since we began working together.

On Tuesday, during our session, Martin brought up his constant inability to emotionally detach & observe his thoughts without becoming a part of them.

In other words, Martin feels unable to "keep his cool" when provoked by something or someone, leading to a strong emotional response that he then instantly regrets.

I share this with you all today because this is a common issue, one that I personally struggled with for a long time.

However, Martin's "mind-blowing" (his words) moment and response during our session — while addressing this exact issue — suggested that this could be helpful for others in similar situations.

So, if you relate to Martin's experience in any way, I invite you to read on.

This one's for you.

Your Superpower

Anything you can observe is not you.

Your thoughts and emotions are separate from you.

If you can observe them, they are, by default, not you.

This is a good thing folks.

Don't panic or start attempting to understand it!

You don't need to know "how" or any of that.

Right now, just try it out for yourself.

Whenever a thought arises, take it as an opportunity to step back, pause, and realize that you are observing it.

And before you even realize it, a new one will pop in.

This takes place over and over.

Fresh thought is always coming in.

BUT.

Only if you do not hold on to old thought!!

Holding on means ruminating or

• Wallowing

• Feeling stuck and unable to move past the thought

• Doing absolutely nothing but thinking about that thought over and over

This is what we DON'T want you to do.

Even if you do start holding on to it... catch yourself & make yourself aware of that.

Intentionality is your best friend here.

This was the moment for Martin. He didn't realize that he could even "step back" & observe his thoughts. But we all can.

If I can, then by default, so can you.

We're the same. I am no different than you.

I may have had a little bit more practice. But that should encourage you!

It just means that if you, too, put in practice & continually make a conscious effort to catch yourself when you may be holding on, then you'll be a natural in no time.

You're not alone.

Those were Martin's words too.

And just like I told him, I will tell you:

There is no such thing as fixed personalities.

This isn't a thing. The idea of fixed personalities doesn't make sense.

We, as human beings, are ever-evolving. Whether you know it or not.

Whether you're consciously "trying to" evolve or not... you always are.

All this is to remind you that it is not "who you are" & you can choose how you will evolve in life.

You can be intentional with your evolution.

Therefore, please remember that you have this power within you. It is already existing inside of you. You simply need to let it out more frequently.

You are more than capable of observing your thoughts & letting them pass like clouds would in the sky.

You've already done it. You actually do it all the time. The thoughts you had this morning are most likely (unless you didn't hold on to them) not here with us right now at this moment.

Why?

Cause fresh thought is always coming in!!

Baby Steps

This isn't going to happen for you overnight.

I would be lying to you if I even said it could happen in 1 month.

To be honest, I don't know when you can "master" this. I'm still in the process of that myself.

But I can say with certainty that the more you are to put it into practice & bring it to your level of awareness... the more natural it becomes.

Ultimately, the more it engrains in you & the more it becomes a part of your core identity.

Which is the ultimate intention.

Martin, however, who was in your shoes not too long ago... made remarkable progress in this area.

When we first started working together, he struggled with emotional triggers and often felt overwhelmed by his thoughts.

He would become them.

There was 0 intentionality. Just pure reaction.

But, I can proudly say that I've already seen a shift in his way of being.

He's already catching himself whenever he reacts... even if said catch is after the fact.

Meaning that — even if he doesn't catch himself in that exact moment to stop himself from reacting... he's now developed the habit of catching himself quick quickly after he reacts.

He is. But only for that moment.

Cause once he catches himself (the quicker the better), he can move on & create something new out of it.

This was what we call a "Pocket Moment".

These are moments that

• Do not define you

• Are not the whole of you

• Are normal & part of human nature

You can also call them "Pothole Moments" (as another one of my clients coined it).

Remember that these happen to all of us. The difference lies in what you do next.

Either you wallow in it, start digging yourself out, & feed the brain negative energy…

OR (the better option):

You wash your hands with it, give yourself grace, apologize to others (if applicable), move on & create something new out of it.

On top of this, the issue Martin faced before was that he wouldn't even catch himself after the fact. And if he ever would... it would be days or weeks later (when sharing the story with me for example!).

Now at least he's already initiating Step 1, which is catching yourself right after you do the undesired action.

You can't expect Martin to catch himself in the very moment that quickly. Do not expect that from yourself either.

For his entire life (and probably yours too), he's learned to do things one way. The more he did them that way, the more he reinforced (& fed his brain) the belief that this was "his way."

"His only way"...

This behaviour eventually became a core part of his identity.

Today, we're re-wiring.

Re-programming.

And to do so... we begin by unlearning what he had initially learned.

We need to shed away the old to make space for the new.

You don't just place the new on top of the old. You simply can't. The underlying issues would still be there.

It's all baby steps, my friends.

But, I meant what I said... the more you do it, the sooner it will become part of you & the faster you will see real results.

Just like it's happening for Martin.

What You Can Start Doing Today

To close off, I'd like to propose some of the strategies I shared during the session on Tuesday.

These are some of the "tips & tricks" Martin will be keeping in mind daily to get him closer to that desired state of catching himself in the moment & correcting where necessary.

Remember, currently, Marting is just passing Step 1. He is slowly slowly integrating into his core being the habit of intentionally catching himself whenever he holds on to the thought.

The good news is that once he catches himself, he can let go.

And therefore, at that very moment, he no longer is holding on.

Now, he can create something new.

For example — now he's created the perfect opportunity to journal about what happened.

He can note down (& bring to his awareness) the following:

• What happened

• What triggered it

• What he will be on the lookout for next time to make sure it doesn't happen again.

That's just one example.

To be completely honest, Martin preferred my other strategy:

1) Remove Yourself

I advised him to remove his presence from the room.

So if in the case that this emotional trigger is another person (be it your ex-partner, a family member, or a colleague at work)... remove yourself physically.

If you're not in the room, the chances of you lashing out & becoming the thought are much lower.

I invite you to stack the odds in your favour.

Those are Martin's words. Verbatim.

One action can change everything.

One small action like removing your presence & going on a walk.

At the beginning, it will be tough. But please, do not go into it with the mindset that it will be hard.

Anticipate & learn daily.. which you will more naturally be able to do if you constantly write about your experiences.

Which leads us to the last point:

2) Collect Data

Log the process (& journal about it).

The more you do so, the more natural your catches will become & the more they will become something you just do.

And what's more, if you can identify what has been working & what hasn't, you will more accurately know what to implement (& double down on) and what not to use.

Try everything out. See what works best for YOU.

Then, keep on using it.

Remember, my friends, this isn't a one-and-done kind of thing.

Do not forget the 3 Aspects of Reality:

1. Pain

2. Uncertainty

3. Constant Work

Results will come but only if you

• Believe they will

• Continually show up & put in the work

• Acknowledge your pocket (or pothole) moments & create something new

You got this.

I look forward to sharing more of Martin's incredible progress in the coming weeks, as well as the incredible work my other clients are creating.

If Martin’s story resonates with you and you're ready to make a change, reply directly to this email with the word "pocket." Let’s talk.

Thank you for reading!

Happy Saturday & Much Love,

Julian

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