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If I could go back in time, I would tell myself:

Always say less than necessary.

There are a few other things I would change.

Maybe.

But the main one that comes to mind these days is my talkative nature.

Do not get me wrong. I am not claiming that I am unhappy with how much I speak. If anything, I am proud of my ability to speak to just anyone, anywhere without any real fear.

Something that I definitely couldn't do a few years back.

What I am referring to here is that at times, in certain situations — I speak more than I should.

I've noticed this on a call recently.

The person I was conversing with asked me a question.

Naturally, I answered.

But after that... he remained quiet. And I couldn't deal with the silence... I just had to own the dead air.

But the worst part is that I didn't add anything of substance. I had said everything I wanted to say in my initial answer. What should've been my only answer.

However, the uncomfortable nature of the silence got the best of me... and prompted me to speak, yet again.

This happened multiple times on that call.

And once I noticed it there — I couldn't stop but notice it in most of my conversations.

I have this need to speak more than is necessary... and why?

All because I can't be comfortable with the silence?

Because I want to be in control? Because I don't want it to be awkward?

Whatever the reason... I've learned the hard way.

Because, the more I shared unsolicited information about myself, the more material I was giving the other.

Imagine if this is a conversation you're having with

• a potential client

• a potential competitor

• a potential business partner

They could be using all this extra information against you.

It's like they tell you in court cases — "do not speak without your attorney present as things you say can and will be held against you."

And the same applies here.

Yes, this does depend and vary on the person you're conversing with... and not everybody will be malicious like that. But it takes one "less-than-good" person to fuck you and your reputation over.

So do cover your tracks.

Then yes... in theory, it's fine to divulge and share more than is requested.

But again... be careful. Because if we dig deeper, it signifies an insecurity.

You don't know how to remain quiet. You feel this urge to share and share and share.

For many, they only share. For the majority actually — they only share.

And you see, my friends, this is the real problem here... not only does sharing signify this insecurity about not being able to remain in silence, but it also puts forward your lack of curiosity in the other person you’re conversing with.

In my experience, at least, the people who've willingly shared their stories with me are the same people who've not once asked me a single question.

Yes, this varies depending on the context and environment of where you are having that conversation (i.e. in a therapy or coaching session)...

But, in practically every other situation — when you share more than you ask, it usually will result in an unbalanced & less than memorable interaction.

And who wants to be unmemorable?

If you want to elevate your charisma & become unforgettable; then...

be more curious.

Ask more questions.

A conversation isn't meant to be one-sided. Let alone transactional.

You need to genuinely be interested in them. And their answers too.

Ask follow-up questions. Add some personal stories. Share about yourself too.

One trick I use when I want to share about myself is saying "This reminds me of...."

Here, not only am I mentioning something that happened in my own life (adding my own personal twist & story to it), but I am also including the other person as my personal story was prompted due to their initial comment.

A conversation is meant for all parties involved to communicate, share, and be engaged.

You have the power to do that.

Lots of folks come to me complaining that other people are "not interested" & do not reciprocate their advances. And the sad reality here is that you didn't make it inviting enough, nor interesting enough for the other person to reciprocate it in the first place.

And that is where energy comes into play, my friends.

You want others to reciprocate and be interested in the conversation? Then give them a reason to do so.

Energy is everything. It can be

• felt

• shared

• received

so easily... but it has to be done in a positive way.

So, from the very beginning — you need to approach the conversations and interactions you are having with a more positive outlook. You need to already be telling yourself that you are going to speak and meet this person with the mentality of forming a genuine connection.

In essence, your mindset is the most important.

If you can work on training your mindset to operate as positively as possible... then the conversations you have and your world at large will feel that positivity and reflect it back to you.

I may have already shared that quote in a previous letter.

But I love it. And I will keep on sharing it.

Therefore, remember it well, my friends.

You want to be unforgettable in a world surrounded by billions?

Then, it's time to step up your game.

• Share less than necessary

• Exude positive energy at all times

• And most importantly — be more fucking curious

Trust me, your interactions will feel the switch. And your whole energy, way of being, and confidence will feel it too.

The ball is in your court.

The sooner you start to play, the sooner you'll master the game.

Trust me on this one.

Thanks for reading!

Much love,

Julian

PS. I'm helping communicators like you master the art of conversation with my 4-Step Guide to Effective Communication.

If this sounds like you:

• You want to control the flow of your conversations

• You often find yourself talking more than necessary

• Your interactions don't always leave a memorable impact

Click below to grab your guide & let’s transform how you communicate, making every word count:

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