Read on my website.

Read time — 9.5 minutes

To those who don't understand, you don't have to.

To those who think they know, you don't.

To those who don't, you don't need to.

Ever since starting this solo journey, I've found myself having to explain to others what it is I'm aiming to do, or where it is I'm aiming to go. But like practically every conversation I've had around this specific topic — the end result is the same.

That is — they project their own reality onto mine.

Whether you know it or not, you don't want my life. And I, don't want yours.

And that, is entirely fine.

I also realize that in many of these conversations, they don't seek to understand or put themselves (as accurately as possible) in my shoes, and instead, are very quick to judge, give their opinion, and consult without asking the necessary questions (to gain the required context). Needless to mention that the things they do know; they don't highlight or show that understanding back to me (nor to themselves), and get straight into the "consulting" aspect of things.

It's so easy to criticize. I'm also entirely guilty of this. I, too, have jumped straight to criticizing another without gaining context on their situation, nor attempting to understand.

But that doesn't make it right, does it?

And what I've realized through this is — we all want to be better. But the difference is that only a select few have the actual heart, dedication, and belief to follow through with that. Whether it's being better in these kinds of relationships or better for themselves — it's the same thing!

If you can be better for yourself, you will inevitably be better for all those around you.

This leads me to the topic of today's letter — why I'm choosing to not take the typical & traditional route, that although many don't understand (yet), is what I'm deciding is best for me.

With that, let's dive in.

It's Not For Me

As a student, you want to get good grades, but your priority is also to maintain an acceptable and thriving social life.

As an adult in the labour force, you want hobbies alongside the work you have to do daily. Yet, the steady and fixed paychecks make finding time for these hobbies all the more complicated. After you've woken up, started with the tasks you'd like to accomplish, and then get back home after a long and tiring day — your energy levels do not allow you to dive into these hobbies you couldn't wait to get to earlier that morning.

And that's the problem. With every passing day, you begin to find comfort in the life you build, getting accustomed to it.

And where there's comfort — there's no room for growth.

From my very limited time in the corporate world, I noticed one common thing that resurfaced over and over. And that was everybody's desire for "the end of the day", for "the weekend"... it was always the same thing. And I couldn't help but wonder — then why are you here? Why don't you go find a source of income that will actually bring you joy and pleasure?

I know what you're thinking — this is naive of me.

In my opinion, I truly believe that if something is so bothersome and terrible for you, you will find whatever way you can to not be doing it. That means if you're continually wishing for the weekend or to watch a show or to unwind from work — you're not happy in this line of work. It's that simple.

If your pain isn't painful enough, you won't get out of it.

Inflict more pain.

Truly, allow it to be so bad that you just can't do it anymore. If it really is that bad, you will find a way you get out.

If not, it just isn't that bad.

And I believe that's the problem that many suffer. They don't realize how bad their situation is because they are too comfortable in it. Sure it isn't their dream nor their most rewarding work — but they are comfortable. And once again — where there's comfort, there's no room for improvement.

Many do know it's bad and explicitly complain about it. But then, what?

They do nothing about their situation.

And it doesn't matter what I think about your situation (let alone how it may relatively compare to mine). Your situation is yours. Mine is mine. To each their own.

But if it's as bad as you claim it to be, then please go ahead and do something about it.

I was annoyed with my situation. I was lost. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I didn't know where I wanted to go. And my way of "inflicting" more pain was to picture and really realize the kind of life that I would have if I didn't "shape up" and take matters into my own hands.

Now, that was scary.

For me.

That Day

I vividly remember that day.

I woke up after a long and very exhausting 3-day bender. And yes, it was fucking fun. But God was I exhausted. Needless to mention the puke (that I didn't even remember about) that was all over my bedroom floor as I stood out of bed...

Yes, I stepped on it.

And yes, it was disgusting.

But no better image to maintain in my head of where I didn't want my life to go.

I remember that exact moment. Laying in bed before cleaning it all up. Thinking to myself that this was exactly what was going to happen. Over and over. I had been "lost" for the better part of 6 months (at 22 years of age) — and in a society that continually pressures you to have it all "figured out" by the age of 21, I felt the pressure.

But, I knew that wasn't for me.

This wasn't for me.

And although lots of the advice that was given to me directly or indirectly served me, I had to figure it out on my own. The way I see it — advice received is a path for you to discover what works best for you. Take into account what others did, but find your own way of doing that thing.

Whatever that way is.

But here lies the issue once again — instead of your own way, you choose to follow the rules set by others (family, friends, colleagues), and when the results don't show through, you feel down. And automatically — you give up.

And that's the thing. All these tips, tricks, and hacks are all great. Until... you realize you actually need to put in the work for them to work.

For me, it was very motivating to hear others' perspectives on how they succeeded in this online world. And as much as their tips are their tips, I tried them out. I tested it all. And I still am, testing it all. But it takes time. And that's the beauty, my friends.

We are so rushed. We want everything now. And that is another issue with our society today. We are used to being so socialized and stimulated all the time that when things don't come or happen overnight, we get discouraged, unmotivated, and ultimately give up.

I, too, am guilty of this.

But I found a reframe that truly was helpful. Which was that we are ever-evolving. And our goals, visions, and objectives are ever-evolving with us. In other words — we'll never reach them.

And that's a good thing. We don't want to reach them. If they are ever-evolving as we are in this landscape of life, then they will continually get higher and higher. The same applies to the standards you hold of yourself and that of others.

You need to aspire to never reach them but to continually always get close enough that when you theoretically do "reach" it, it has moved on to the next "level".

To that next step in the journey of your life, if you will.

And for me, that is a beautiful reframe that allows me to remember that this journey is ever-changing, ever-present, and ever-flowing. I won't reach my vision tomorrow. And I am okay with that.

I've never felt more motivated and fulfilled in my life before. I've also never spent as much time alone as I have lately. And I absolutely love it. I am content. I am fulfilled with my current life's purpose and vision of where I want to go.

Why?

Because I chose it. This pursuit has been most fulfilling because it is truly driven by internal motivation. Not external expectations.

With all the respect to my family, friends, and colleagues — their approval or "consent" of my life is indifferent to me today. Maybe that will change tomorrow. But, today — the thing that matters most to me is my own opinion of myself. My own understanding of what I am doing and where I am going.

And whatever thing they would be doing if they "were in my shoes" is their thing. Their definition of better varies from mine. And that's 100% fine. Don't apply my strategies and my way of living my life to your life, and I won't apply yours.

Don't reflect your own reality onto mine. You think I work too much, you think I sit at my desk too much — then great, you don't sit at your desk too much. You don't work too much. That's great for you!

But for me, let me figure out what works best and let me do what is best for me.

Moving Forward

I know this all may sound a little harsh. But this is something that's been on my mind for weeks and even months now when I started this new journey in my life.

And whether anybody else can relate or feel the same way, my advice is to follow your gut. You know yourself better than anybody else. Whoever may not agree (no matter how close they are to you & your life), will not agree. And that is fine.

It's not easy to put yourself in the shoes of another (as accurately as possible).

So just focus on yourself.

I did that by setting my own intentions, as opposed to goals for example.

Instead of fixating on specific outcomes, I focused on setting intentions for how I wanted to show up in my life. The beauty of these (vs. goals) is that they are more malleable. I can change them as I evolve in time, just as my standards and objectives will evolve with me.

Intentions are adaptable, and they not only lower the pressure to "meet" or "reach" them but they are rooted in my values. So as long as you know yourself, and know what it is you want to give off to others (and yourself), these intentions will be met.

Secondly, I'm a big fan of following (& subsequently building) with my curiosity. As children, we've always had this sense of wonder & awe, exploring the world without a single care. It was all just pure & innocent exploration, in a way — testing & experimenting with it all. We were attempting to make sense of the things that don't. However, as we progress in time, this childlike curiosity is shattered. And I truly believe the reason lies in the societal construct and belief of putting ourselves in these labels & boxes of degrees & careers. The more constricted we are to a certain thing (like a major or a job), the more narrow our curiosity becomes, ultimately leading us to explore the same realities day in and day out.

No matter what it is you are doing in your life — I encourage you to approach your days with a sense of curiosity & wonder. Make sense of the things that don't. Explore new opportunities. Ask all the questions you can, seek new understandings, and allow your viewpoints to change (& be challenged).

In other words, be the "dumbest" one in the room. You're not good when you know more. You're only good when you learn something new. That's how you always come up on top.

When you know it all, you know the limits. And when you know the limits, you know what's impossible.

How can you do the impossible if you know the impossible?!

Whether it's through reading, podcasts, movies, or TV shows — allow yourself to learn. Allow yourself to be pleasantly surprised. You never know what could suddenly change your life.

Lastly, my friends — I learned to connect with my true why. This means I am continually figuring out and aspiring to understand myself on a deeper level — that is, my reasons, choices, and overall perspectives of how I see the world.

I did this by cultivating a daily and weekly habit of writing. Once a week, I will sit down with my thoughts & my notebook, all alone. And just write. I tend to do this on Sundays — the perfect middle as I can reflect on the week that just past and plan accordingly for the week that is about to begin. This has allowed me to understand what my true intentions are, evaluating the different ways I'm moving the needle, while still pinpointing the areas for continual improvement.

For me, there is no better way to connect with your why than through writing. It has allowed me to create a metaphorical distance between my thoughts by putting them on paper. Not only does it reduce all sorts of mental clutter, but once again — I understand myself better than ever.

I am constantly reminded of what is driving me to grow and evolve. I am reminded daily of what is important to me, and why I'm doing what I'm doing.

The best part is the days when I struggle to get out of bed in the mornings — I instantly think of this "why", and it fires me the fuck up. Instantly gets me out of bed.

No better way.

Like this, I will never forget why I started. 

It doesn't matter whether I think or know that I'll succeed (or not) — what matters is me knowing that I just won't stop.

Whoever you are, whatever you are doing, or whatever you may like to do — just remember, it is impossible for you to "lose" if you just don't quit.

And for me, my friends, that is all I need to know to continue.

Thank you for reading.

And as always — much love.

Julian

If you enjoyed that — I invite you to share it with others who might find it valuable.

If this email was forwarded to you or you're reading online, you can subscribe here.

If you prefer shorter-form writing, you'd like my X posts.