Food May Just Be The Answer You Were Looking For

Read on my website.

Read time — 8.5 minutes

For those of you who don't know, I'm from a Lebanese family.

Although we don't live there, we tend (and try) to visit the country at least once a year. It's usually the perfect opportunity (and spot) for all family members that are scattered around the world to meet up.

We usually synchronize our dates and make the combined effort to meet there, even if it's just for a little bit. The funny part is that once there — the time & place we usually all see each other at most is during a meal.

Be it at our favourite restaurant in the city or at lunch or dinner at my uncle's beautiful garden rooftop — we're all there, together.

Eating.

With that same one activity& thing that encapsulates us.

Food.

You may think I'm describing my family as some fat-eating creatures. But that's far from the truth. We're all actually surprisingly lean and "in shape" for the vast amount of food that we consume.

Maybe it's the genes.

But, there is some truth to all this:

1. We have to eat to survive.

2. Bonding over a meal is perhaps the best way to bond with just anybody.

This is particularly true when considering everybody's conflicting schedules, and unique & personal work time zones. I read somewhere that family dinners nowadays (for many) tend to resemble a revolving door — some are coming in at different times from work, others heading off to the gym, the cousins are looking into different ways to monetize online... ultimately spending more time on their feet while they eat than sitting down.

And if they do manage to sit, it's usually not all at the same time.

The truth is that modern life has made it increasingly difficult for many to gather around the table, eat, and converse like normal human beings should do. Whether it's work-related pressing matters, prior commitments, or simply other obligations — making the conscious effort to have at least 1 meal a day with those that matter the most should be indispensable.

The point here is not the meal, but the act of eating and reuniting those in your life that matter most during that meal. We all have to eat, right? So why not combine that (at least once a day) by conversing & spending time with that person (or people) we claim we never have time to see?

Let's dive in.

Bonding Over A Meal

Today, our continual quest for efficiency discourages us from looking in too deeply.

The pressure to deliver doesn't grant us the necessary amount of time.

However, it's through deliberate action, repetition, & patience at large that we gain deeper insights.

This kind of patience in our everyday life is what is necessary for taking in information from others and our surroundings in the most accurate way possible.

How can we do this effectively if we're always in a rush?

Well, my friends, sometimes the best way to engage is to simply disengage. Disconnect. Distract yourself.

And this can very well be achieved by eating. Especially when with company.

In fact — this can be done with any activity that can be performed without much effort nor energy.

@theddcpod

Distractions are a tool that can be of great service to your work — but only when used skillfully. Catch my full conversation with musical... See more

As mentioned on the video — which by the way is from our new podcast, The Dom's Dance Court Podcast. Its first episode aired this past Monday, with aspiring musical artist (& my brother), Jamie Saad. You can check out the full episode right here.

— The point is that these types of "distractions" (like eating) keep one part of your mind busy while freeing up the rest to remain open to whatever comes in. This process allows you to access a different part of your brain.

This kind of distraction is a strategy in service of your work. Sometimes the answers you were looking for appear when you don't search for them.

Remember:

When you want more, you search for more, but you still don't necessarily end up with more.

The best thing you can do at these times is:

1. Pause

2. Step back

3. Disengage

4. Engage in a simple, unrelated task

5. Reflect & come back with new & fresh insights

Why do you think a show like Hot Ones performs so well?

The celebrities' conscious mind is too occupied with the hot & spicy wings in front of them. This part of their mind is too worried and anxious about not making a fool out of themselves in front of millions on YouTube, as well as making sure that they still look good and presentable while eating messy spicy wings (with their hands) on air.

While all these worries are going through their conscious mind — the unconscious part of their brain is freed up to let whatever else comes in. And that's where the personal, intimate, and never-heard-before questions come firing in by host Sean Evans. Viewers tune in to such a show because its concept is already quite unique and intriguing, but also because — the celebrities' answers are just as spicy as the wings.

A meal used to (and still is) seen as sacred and holy by many. So with this in mind — it's no surprise for people to form close bonds over them.

And even if it isn't as sacred for you — do think of the amount of time, energy, and effort (& money) you invest in meals, and how you tend to be very selective with whom you go for a meal vs just a drink or a coffee.

Besides the deep & meaningful connections that tend to form from engaging in meals, quite a lot of data has shown other benefits:

One of the first ones is for children. So if you're already a parent, are expecting to be one, or will be one at some point in your life — listen up.

Clinical psychologist Anne Fischel claims that much of the work she facilitates for families in her office could easily be replicated organically at home — only if people shared more time around the dinner table...

As per a 2012 report from the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University — teens who regularly eat dinner with their families are more likely to describe their relationships with their parents as of "high quality" and are less likely to report experiencing significant levels of stress.

It's therefore very important for children to get this quality time with their parents, with no other inputs present (like phones or TVs). It's this focused, intimate interaction that brings forth a deep connection that can significantly benefit a child's emotional and psychological well-being. Such quality time contributes to increased self-confidence in children and reduces their risk of facing issues like depression, substance abuse, or relationship problems. Additionally, engaging in conversation with adults during these undistracted times helps children expand their vocabulary, offering an educational benefit alongside the emotional and psychological advantages.

But this doesn't only apply to teens! Another study from the Pew Research Center shows that nearly 75% of U.S. adults rank spending time with their family as one of the most important aspects of their lives!

One of the beauties that the pandemic brought forward was an increase in these at-home family dinners. During the time of the lockdowns, 85% of parents mentioned that they frequently were sharing family dinners. However, as times returned to "normal", they claim it's become a challenge to continue sharing meals. This was especially the case for small family units, so imagine the difficulty with extended ones!

I won't continue quoting studies, as it'll make this letter never-ending. But, if there's one thing to remember is that the benefits are indeed proven. They're facts — bonding over a meal is definitely beneficial to all parties involved.

It's the "making it work together & at the same time" that proves more difficult for all involved.

Let's explore this a little further then.

Making Your Shared Meals Work

These meals — with just anybody — are a space for you to slow down, listen to another, and properly engage and connect.

In essence, it's a sort of social glue. Again — with just anybody (be it friends, family, professional colleagues, significant others, or people you know less well) — a meal together is an important, practical, and effective way to connect.

So now that you know & understand its importance — let's go over these 2 simple (yet effective) steps you can implement to make these meal-times really work.

1. Be Realistic About Your Schedule

Your roommate may have a different class schedule.

Your partner or spouse may have conflicting working hours.

Your mom, dad, brother, or sister may have varying daily commitments.

Not to mention your boss, co-worker, or close friends' own obligations and schedules.

The best way to make room for these important people in your life in a way where you can actually devote the necessary time, energy, and effort is through a meal. More specifically, a programmed and planned meal.

So whether it's once a day, a week, or even just a month (depending on the relationship), take the time to program it into your weekly or monthly schedule.

Go even further — give each person a role based on their skills and bandwidth:

• Delegate and designate someone to pick up ingredients

• Assign to another a more specific item to bring (like dessert)

At times, you could even make the meal together if the time permits it.

Not a problem. A shared meal doesn’t mean that you all need to be present at the same time during the whole thing. It also doesn’t have to be a full-blown 7-course meal. It can be a short and sweet breakfast or just a light afternoon tea with the boys.

Other people have tried these “split shift dinners” — where some participants initially eat together, others may leave, but others can then join. Or perhaps only some drop by for dessert. It doesn’t matter. There’s no rule. No recipe.

Find out what works best for you and your relationships. The important part is spending time together and learning from one another through this.

2. Cultivating A Space

The way you sit, how you sit, who you sit with, or who you are facing is not of utmost importance here. You each should adapt to your own parameters, spaces, and dining areas. Even if that means eating on the couch every night with your roommate while you watch a show.

This will all depend on the relationship itself, who that relationship is with, and how formal and comfortable you are in that relationship. Some families love to eat very formally with manners and politeness being of high priority. While others have no problem at all with some members getting up and walking around whenever they feel like it.

Again — it’s all about setting aside this shared space for you to enjoy this time with others, and to connect with them.

Needless to mention that the addition of background music can definitely set the right mood and tone to get you going.

My mother loves to use this one for our family dinners:

Try it out yourselves and report back with any thoughts!

Tying It Back

Every time I'm out and about in the city, I notice the countless restaurants and even more the endless number of people within them. And this is without even counting those who are waiting to be seated.

Restaurants (& bars) are full, all the time. And while nourishment is a fundamental need, I firmly believe that the act of dining out transcends basic sustenance.

Many people leverage the dining experience as a line for connection, utilizing the social backdrop of these experiences to cultivate relationships and share moments.

There is something so beautiful in sharing a meal, fast food or otherwise, with a friend, partner, or colleague — & just catching up about what's going on in your respective lives.

If you don't do this enough, I encourage you to go out more. Change up your scenery. Get out of your comfort zone. Not only can you expose yourself to different kinds of cuisines you've never tried or heard about before, but you also get to explore this with someone else. This is how memories and long-lasting relationships are created.

You make the time to converse and get to know one another on a deeper level.

Regularly.

I understand that we all are busy. I understand we all have our schedules. But, you have to eat. I have to eat. We all have to eat.

So try and have as many breakfasts, lunches, or dinners with another person.

But make this easy (& realistic) for yourself (& others). Start by trying it at least once a day. One meal a day.

Try it out with your family.

What if you're not living with your family? Make that 1 meal a day with your partner.

Don't have a partner? Make that 1 meal a day with your roommate.

Don't have a roommate? Then, eat alone & make the conscious effort to cook for yourself, enjoy the process, and engage in mindful eating.

Whatever you do — just realize that relationships are the cornerstone of everything in our lives. And this is just one of the simplest (yet most effective) ways of properly cultivating relationships.

If you're struggling to believe me — just go check out any episode on Hot Ones. Regardless of whether the host & guest have met before or not, the depth of conversation, ease, and intimacy that emerges from these interactions are memorable. Often, this experience leads to a newfound friendship between them.

Inspired by this, I'm contemplating incorporating meals into my podcast recordings now. Sharing a lunch or dinner with my guests could add a unique dimension to our discussions.

Subscribe to the pod here and stay tuned to find out if we do...

That's it for today, my friends.

Thank you for reading, as always.

Wishing you all a beautiful weekend. And — much love!

Julian

If you enjoyed that — I invite you to share it with others who might find it valuable.

If this email was forwarded to you or you're reading online, you can subscribe here.

If you prefer shorter-form writing, you'd like my X posts.