Read on my website / Read time: 6 minutes

When I started my online journey, I had to let go of all expectations.

As well as all judgements.

All these, in the grand scheme, just couldn't matter any longer.

If I wanted to post online & share my life & my stories — I had to let go of all these things that usually hold you back.

Sharing things so candidly and openly with so many people at once (& many that you don't even know, may I add) isn't easy. Not to mention that those you do know... will also see it.

Therefore, any sort of shyness here is irrelevant. There is no such thing.

I believe I stopped "caring" about others' opinions & thoughts (of me) the minute I started this chapter. Not because I didn't want to care... but because I knew I just couldn't care.

The fact that I'm now posting 3-4 times a day over multiple platforms on social media... gives the people around me waaaay more material to comment & have an opinion on.

I can't allow that many opinions into my life. Not for my mental health. Not for my own sanity. And certainly, not for my creative journey that lies ahead.

This is evidently harder to do with those folks that surround me on a daily basis and in real life — like my parents, brother, cousins, & friends. These people are harder to "ignore". Their opinions are always shared and ultimately, heard.

I also don't always take it to heart. I will, however, always listen, take it in, and then decide what it is I want to do with that information.

The point here is that it isn't easy to "let go" or "ignore" others' opinions & perspectives. Especially when those tend to inherently be about us.

I know I'm not the only one who experiences this... and telling you folks to "just ignore it" doesn't solve anything. Because it will only keep on happening.

I'm currently experiencing this at a larger scale than I've ever before...

Therefore, I've found a few ways here & there to "care" a little less and continue moving forward with my own beliefs, intentions, and perspectives that I hold of myself.

Here's how you can do the same:

For starters, take a second to realize how overly consumed you tend to be.

Whether it's from your family, your friends, co-workers, or just people on social media.

Practically everything you do revolves around "others" & what "others" may be thinking.

• Your outfits

• Your pictures

• Your dancing style

Whatever it is, you are constantly putting "others" first... when the person that matters most is yourself.

Your own opinion of yourself is what matters.

Always has. Always will.

Social media definitely hasn't helped this... and has made matters all the more complicated. But it's here. There's nothing we can do about it.

I choose to use it to my advantage. To practice sharing the things that matter to me... and only me. And whatever hate or negativity I may get... is just another way of "practicing" this type of "non-caring".

Again, this isn't as black & white as I'm painting it out to be.

It takes time. Practice. And patience.

But the more you put yourself "out there"... the more you realize that you actually don't care.

You need to be judged at least once to realize you don't care.

You're still alive. You're still breathing. You're still walking.

It's all so insignificant.

We make it seem as if it will be the end of the world. But in reality... it is just a thing (that yes, may be bothersome in that very moment)... but before you know it... that moment is fleeting.

In an hour it won't matter as much. Tomorrow even less. God knows if you'll even remember it next year.

The point here, my friends, is to de-attach yourself from these "expectations" that you hold of others.

Whether we like it or not, everybody acts in their own self-interest.

Many of their opinions or comments are actually self-imposing beliefs. They project their own realities onto yours.

Remember —

• their definition of work varies from yours

• their definition of better varies from yours

• their definition of a good life varies from yours

Meaning that if they tell me "I'm working too much"... then what I remind myself is:

"In their world. In their mind. In their lives. In their language — I am working too much. But, in my own world — in the one that matters — I am working just as much as I would want to."

A small caveat here to remember is that sometimes those on the "outside" may have a more accurate representation of events. Perhaps they see things that we can't. Because for us, it is much harder to "zoom out" on our own behaviours and actions.

Which is why this whole "method" of "not caring" about what others think falls under this very thin line.

To not care... you need to know yourself better than anybody else. This requires a lot of internal work, where you aim to become your own best friend. Your biggest confidant.

Whether it's through

• daily journaling

• contemplative walks

• self-awareness & mindfulness practices

You need to understand yourself better than anybody else ever could. Because when that moment comes for someone else to "advise" you — you need to be familiar enough with yourself to understand whether it may be "true" or not...

Secondly, it is important to listen to others' opinions, thoughts, & perspectives. Especially when these people mean something to you — as with your family for example.

So do listen. Do take it in. Weigh it in your mind. Ask yourself if it may be helpful... ask yourself where they may be coming from.

All this will allow you to zoom out even more on your actions, doing so even more accurately.

Ultimately, you are responsible for your own actions and their consequences. But, when the people in your life mean well, it is important to listen and take it in; while still being the one at the very end who decides what to do with that information.

You are your own master of your life. You need to own that no matter what.

That's one of my favourite quotes.

Ever.

Because it is so true. I remember attaching my own self-worth based on the validation I would receive from the social world around me.

I remember vividly having this need to feel appreciated.

To feel accepted.

And all for what?

Just so I wouldn't feel "alone" at the end of the day...

It's funny in reality... because the moment you stop caring about what others think... everyone starts caring about you a little more.

It's funny how the world works. But it's the truth.

Start to love yourself a little more with every passing day... and you will start to feel how your spirits are being freed up from all the constant external affirmation.

The more you learn to love yourself, the more liberating it all feels.

But the question remains — how? How does one possibly start to love themselves more?

Well... for starters accept that self-esteem is an illusion.

We've all once before doubted ourselves... questioned ourselves.

But this specific doubt has varied depending on the context at hand.

Think about it... in some situations, you may have thought so poorly about yourself, and your self-esteem reflected that.

For me, this was the case when I DJ'd for the first time in front of a crowd. I had low confidence in this specific situation as I had never done it before. I remember my heart pounding like crazy... to the point where the only thing I was thinking about was whether others knew or could tell that I was nervous or a beginner.

And the funny part is that if you put me in a situation where I have to speak in public in front of 50 people... I won't be as nervous.

Why?

Because I've done it before.

This is where "confidence" comes from. It is all based on prior happenings.

Data.

Or in other words — experience.

The more you do something, the more "data" you collect on the situation and your perceived ability to be "good" at that situation.

And that is where your self-esteem metric comes from. The more "confident" you are that you can perform a certain task well (based on your prior knowledge of doing said task), the greater your self-esteem will be in that context.

Do you see the point here, my friends?

How can low or high self-esteem (that continually varies) possibly define who you are?!

Your perception of yourself varies sooooo much. Yet so subtly.

All because of the environment in question.

Put simply — self-esteem just doesn't exist.

You are only as good as the thoughts you think.

Thus, if you've ever considered yourself someone with "low self-esteem," you're essentially acknowledging a pattern of believing negative thoughts about yourself.

Yes. It is that simple.

Learn to replace negative habits with positive ones.

A positive habit is dismissing unhelpful thoughts as they arise, recognizing that they are not real.

Yes. It does take practice.

But it helps to remember that you are just 1 good thought away from seeing the real truth.

Which is that you are simply you. Free of labels.

The minute you recognize, accept, and reflect deeply on this... is the moment you find true freedom.

Tying it Back

Yes. It really is.

But for this to ultimately happen... you need to understand yourself.

Everything about yourself.

Even your self-doubts and flaws.

Remember that these are what make you and your work interesting... and the more you know yourself... the less likely you are to be bothered about others' opinions.

When someone claims something that you know isn't a fact, does it bother you?

Probably not, right?

So if you are so damn sure of who you are, then anything someone else says about you shouldn't bother you.

Unless it's true of course...

But if it isn't... then there is nothing to worry about! Nothing that can bother you.

Move on with your life. They simply don't know what they are saying.

Again... this is always "much easier said than done".

BUT...

The moment you can realize that you are only as worthy as the thoughts you hold of yourself, you will be fine.

For me —

• journaling

• writing daily

• taking the small wins

• practicing self-compassion

• setting personal boundaries

• limiting myself to negative influences

• participating in activities that bring me joy

were/are all things that helped me understand myself much better.

To the point where today — when another says anything about me... whatever it may be, it doesn't bother me. It doesn't even make me flinch.

I've never been more comfortable with the kind of person I am than today.

And the best part?

I still have a long way to go.

This is only the beginning of my self-development journey... one that so far has been nothing but rewarding.

You, too, can start yours today.

Don't wait any longer.

You can only win externally by doing so internally first.

That's it for this one.

See you next Saturday!

Thank you & much love,

Julian

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