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Do you consider yourself an awkward person?

Ask yourself —

Do you

• feel discomfort when in groups?

• tend to be overly self-conscious?

• have difficulty initiating conversations?

• have difficulty maintaining eye contact?

• tend to feel anxious in social situations & settings?

Do you relate?

I’m aware that “social awkwardness” can vary greatly among individuals.

What might be considered as “awkward” in one culture or setting might not be in another. Everyone can feel or act “awkwardly” at certain times (& not at others) — it’s a natural part of human interactions rather than just a definitive label.

So this isn’t to say that once you are qualified as “awkward”, you’ll be labelled as that forever. It doesn’t define you. But perhaps it’s just a characteristic that forms part of you in your current existence.

If you've ever felt like "God, that was awkward!" or "Dang I need to be less awkward" whenever you've left a social situation — whether it's in a business meeting, a date, or just at a family gathering — this one's for you.

Before jumping in, I'd like to add that being "awkward" isn't inherently a bad or negative thing. It usually stems from underlying anxieties or simply a different way of experiencing the world. And that's fine.

However, what does matter here is the other person involved in that social situation with you.

That

• potential client

• potential business partner

• potential significant other or spouse

Your awkwardness (& your tendency to remain as awkward as possible) will determine how the other perceives & ultimately thinks of you. Especially during that first encounter with them.

Your ability to

• keep the conversation flowing

• maintain a solid amount of eye contact

• know how to properly gauge the social interaction

can make or break the potential

• of the deal going through

• of that person choosing to work with you

• of that girl deciding whether she'll see you again.

Sometimes, that first encounter is the most important as it sets the tone for their final decision & opinion they hold of you.

Therefore, your ability to "act" & play the role as less awkward as possible in such situations is key and should not be taken lightly.

With that, let's dive in.

Why You Need To Stop Being "Awkward"

Nobody wants to work with an awkward individual.

Nobody wants to partner with someone who is

• indecisive

• an overthinker

• lacks confidence

Meet Clay.

Clay is in his mid-20s.

He has a thoughtful expression that rarely breaks into a full smile, making first impressions a bit challenging for him. He tends to dress neatly but conservatively, often choosing outfits that blend into the background rather than stand out. Clay's initial greeting might come off as hesitant, with a handshake that's either too limp or unexpectedly firm, reflecting his uncertainty about the appropriate level of assertiveness.

In business meetings — Clay sits slightly apart from the group, positioning himself at the edge of the table. He has a habit of fidgeting with a pen or tapping his foot, displaying an undercurrent of anxiety. When asked for input, Clay either rushes through his thoughts, fearing he's taking up too much time; or hesitates, searching for the right words, worried about sounding uninformed. His ideas are often insightful but delivered with "I might be wrong, but...", undermining his very own contributions.

During dates — Clay struggles with making eye contact, often looking away or down at his hands, which he folds and unfolds on the table, over & over. Conversation doesn't flow easily for Clay; he either bombards his date with questions to avoid talking about himself or falls into long silences, overthinking what to say next.

Overall, as you can tell by now — Clay's social awkwardness is rooted in a deep fear of judgment and a misunderstanding of social cues, leading to an overanalysis of every interaction he's involved in. Despite being genuinely interested in others, Clay struggles with the give-and-take rhythm of conversation.

However, he is acutely self-aware, which paradoxically makes spontaneous interactions even more challenging for him.

So the question is — do you know of someone like Clay, or maybe are you like Clay?

Whichever the case — beneath the surface, Clay is a deeply thoughtful and observant individual, capable of insightful comments and creative ideas.

With time and perhaps some mindful practice in social settings, Clay can definitely learn to channel his nervous energy into a more relaxed and engaging presence. This will enable him to leverage his natural inclinations towards empathy and observation to build deeper connections with those around him.

And that's the beauty of social skills & abilities, my friends.

They are not

• innate

• genetic

• inherited

They can be learned. They can be taught. They can be formed, developed, & improved.

And the same applies to the feelings of nervousness, awkwardness, & worry — all of these can be unlearnt.

But the question remains — why?

Why would someone like Clay choose to unlearn these?

Well, think again of the description we laid out of Clay — based on that, is he someone you would buy a product from? Someone you would partner with? Someone you would go on another date with?

Probably not, right?

And again — no shade to Clay or someone like Clay. But, if you're goal is to succeed in the business (& dating) world, then being like Clay will not take you too far.

Nobody wants to work with an individual who lacks confidence & assertiveness when making decisions.

Nobody wants to buy from an individual who isn't confident in their own abilities, thoughts, ideas or opinions.

Nobody wants to date an individual who cannot express their feelings & emotions clearly, confidently, or with any clarity.

Nobody wants a Clay in their life.

Unless you want to "fix" Clay — which in that case, you certainly don't want to be Clay...

So what can you do if you are Clay? Or tend to display some Clayist tendencies?

How to: Stop Feeling (& Being) Awkward

Let's go over these 5 tips that will help you stop feeling awkward (like Clay) in social situations:

1) Body Language Adjustments

From maintaining eye contact to showing your palms — these are crucial in significantly altering the other's perception of you & your own self-confidence.

Whenever you're talking to another, remember the 3 Second Rule:

Maintain 3 seconds of eye contact with the other person (or people in the group) to make sure everyone feels included in the conversation.

Aim to understand and navigate personal spaces effectively.

This means infringing too much on another's personal space will increase awkwardness while standing too far away will come across as standoffish.

Therefore, remember to find the right balance — and don’t forget to consider the cultural expectations, context, and the nature of that specific relationship in question.

2) Embracing Commitment

We've all been in situations that could potentially be embarrassing.

Whether we've been asked to dance in front of others, or just give a speech. Doing so doesn't always come across too naturally.

Therefore, fully committing to the bit (& the action) will transform a potentially awkward scenario into a display of confidence.

You're putting forth that you are more than comfortable in your own skin, and especially non-concerned with other's thoughts, opinions, or judgements of you. Needless to mention, it also reflects self-assurance and authenticity, which are both traits that naturally attract others to you (& lessen awkwardness).

My advice here is to actively seek out such situations. Don't passively wait for them to happen. Search for those situations that push you slightly out of your comfort zone — this will gradually desensitize you to feelings of awkwardness. Not to mention that doing this regularly will significantly boost your social confidence when handling new, unexpected, or challenging situations.

3) Embracing Flaws

This one goes hand in hand with the previous point.

Whenever you are faced with hate (or insults) from another publicly and in a social situation — handle it by embracing it. This means going deeper (& "attacking") yourself even more.

You have more material to work with for starters as you know yourself better than anybody else possibly could.

But secondly, nothing screams "self-assured" more than someone who is willing to put themselves even more down.

Thirdly, how will the other be able to respond to your own insult? They're not expecting it, & will have nothing else to say.

And truly, my friends, remember — it's your own self-doubt, imperfections, & flaws that make you (& your work) interesting.

So embrace them. Publicly.

4) Handling Teasing

Following the hate train from above — consider laughing along when someone else teases you in front of others.

If you do not reply & remain silent, the moment becomes awkward.

You feel awkward. They feel it too.

But if you laugh along with jokes at your expense & "combat" it with humour — you will further reinforce your own self-assurance & confidence.

Adding a witty (& cheeky) comment attacking your own self will elevate your social standing.

Trust me. Adding humour, especially self-directed, can neutralize the impact of attacks and criticism. By mocking your own self more effectively than the other can, you retain control of their narrative (on yourself) and you diminish the power of hate comments.

5) Mastering Storytelling

Perhaps the most important one in here.

Learn to tell compelling, engaging, & interesting stories. Especially those that involve (again) self-deprecating humour.

They allow you to control the narrative about yourself, showcasing confidence in your ability to be vulnerable.

Use vivid descriptions, vary your tone & pace, & ask questions to include the other in the conversation every so often.

Remember — emotional engagement makes your stories more memorable and your persona more charismatic.

People remember you for how you make them feel.

What's more, when you share embarrassing stories of yourself but frame them from a place of growth (& implied transformations), the other's perspective changes from pity to admiration.

This is especially powerful when you're able to highlight the things you've learnt, and how you've changed since. This way you're inspiring others to do the same, and even showcasing your own resilience & self-awareness (all opposites of awkwardness).

Nothing better than being known as a great storyteller!

Conclusion 

At first glance, you may not care nor think that being "awkward" is that big of a deal.

It's part of you.

It's who you are.

It's all you've ever known.

But, when you take into account that it isn't inherently about you but about the person you may be doing business with — things change.

Matters change.

Perspectives change.

Therefore, if you follow those 5 tips closely, apply them regularly, and actively pay attention to yourself (by zooming out on your behaviours), I can guarantee you will not be seen as an awkward individual — let alone feel like one.

Because that is the beauty of this.

What you will do, you will begin to feel.

And what you feel, will begin to become part of you.

As a result, you may initially be "acting" just to appeal to that potential client & increase your success at closing them on a sales call — but the more you see this work, the more you will do it. And the more you will do it, the more it will become second nature to you.

These will become engrained in you; leading you further & further away from a life as a Clay.

It's one part of the equation. Yes.

Your ability to reduce that perceived feeling of awkwardness is a huge predictor of your ability to close a potential client on a call, excite a potential partner to go on another date, or even get your father to loan you more money.

But, remember — it's only one part of the equation. Reducing that perceived feeling of awkwardness is only 20% of the process. Effectively communicating & the way you get your ideas across to that other person is the remaining 80%.

And that's a big chunk of it.

Great question.

2 reasons:

1) Your ability to decrease those perceived feelings of awkwardness is the first step.

You need to build the proper mental frameworks & roadmaps for this first in order to then effectively communicate, bounce ideas off the other, or even give constructive criticism.

The latter is only possible if you eradicate all perceived feelings of awkwardness first.

And 2) there's just too much I could say to help you become a more effective communicator. I can't fit it all in this letter.

That's why I've been working on something special for the last 3 months.

A simple approach I've tested, proven, and that has been of great help to all my clients.

And I'm confident it can help you as well.

So heads up — you will be receiving an email or two more than usual from me (but they’ll be short & valuable).

I would not miss them if I were you.

With that, stay tuned.

And as always — thanks for reading & much love,

Julian

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