Killing Your Shyness: For A More Fulfilling Life

Read Time — 7 minutes

I remember that day quite well. I think it definitely marked me a little bit. Understandably so — I was quite embarrassed. Both in the moment itself and years after as well.

Many don't know that story.

But today, I feel rather indifferent in letting others know about it. Maybe it's been long enough that I am over it. Or maybe I'm just not embarrassed anymore.

I look back at that day and I see a timid young boy. A boy who didn't have any self-confidence. I lacked it so much that I was shy, nervous, and unsure of myself. These were all inner struggles.

Sure, you may say that is normal for young boys at that age. First kiss. First time using tongue. It's all new territory. But it went deeper than just the kiss itself. This inner struggle was a deeper reflection of who I was and how I carried myself in my everyday life.

I used to never go up to waiters and order my food. I would always let my mother know of my order beforehand and let her ask for it. I'd be a pushover as well — like letting what others said be the end of it and not 'argue' back even if I disagreed. Many of my life decisions revolved around how I carried myself, all of which were a true reflection of the lack of self-confidence I possessed.

Discussing this impactful story openly — a story that once made me avoid any sort of romantic opportunity — is both liberating and a clear sign that I've moved beyond those past fears.

Yes — this is indeed a factor to consider. But many who were in my position have "grown up & matured" and yet somehow still exude the same shy, timid & unconfident attributes that were present in them before.

I attribute my own "maturing" to becoming more in tune with myself over the years. I've learned to kill my shyness in ways that have proved beyond beneficial to practically every aspect of my life.

With that in mind — today's letter will guide you through the reasons why I killed that shyness and how you can do the same (regardless of your age) to flourish in the three key areas of life: health, wealth, and relationships.

Let's dive in.

The Effects Of Lacking Self-Confidence

We all have our own problems. Your problems do not minimize those of another. It's the same for our flaws. Those differences that we possess are what make each of us and our work interesting. This is particularly important when considering that today’s social media platforms are a constant reminder of where we could be, who we could be, or what we could be doing. There is always something or someone we can compare ourselves and our possessions to.

Remember — follow your identity. Build with your passions. Do what is best for you. And everything else will come with time. We won't go deeper into this as this was a previous letter. You can read (or re-read) it right here.

The point of the message still stands here though — when you don't chase what you firmly believe in, and shy away from things, you lose yourself. This results in losing confidence and self-esteem.

It affects your chances at:

• Getting the job you desire

• Working with the people you want

• Speaking up to that person you've been crushing on

• Claiming those promotions you should've been granted

• Letting your doctor know what’s actually wrong & what YOU think you need

To name a few.

Shying away from speaking up, and not having the confidence to do so can damage your chances at getting what you want, but more importantly, what you need. Confidence is not only shown through speaking either. It is manifested in many ways — your posture, the clothes you wear, the way you comb your hair, the way your skin looks, and the way you smell. Every aspect of yourself plays a role in your self-confidence.

You continue to lose out on opportunities and chances to get ahead. If you don't do it, somebody else with more confidence will. If you lack the self-confidence to advocate for your own beliefs, why would anybody else?

Shyness is all based on fear.

Fear of:

• Rejection

• Embarrassment

• Hearing the "wrong" thing

The truth is that shyness is an enormous block to success. By overcoming your shyness — you give yourself the chance to be recognized. To be promoted.

You need to learn to not keep your talents inside. Don't be selfish. Don't keep them for yourself alone.

I'm sure that lots of the people you look up to used to be shy. Many will tell you how they were at some point and slowly got out of it. Not by chance. But by working at it and realizing that it actually isn't as bad as we make it out to be. On top of that — it's important to realize that shyness is not genetic. It is a learned behaviour. And since it can be learned, it can just as well, be unlearned.

Combatting Shyness In Life's 3 Most Important Pillars

Everyone has the same goals in these 3 pillars: health, wealth, and relationships.

Shyness and self-confidence play a crucial role in each of them.

A. Health

Overcoming shyness can significantly contribute to better health in several ways:

1. Improved Doctor-Patient Communication

   • Action: Cultivate confidence in expressing yourself. This is crucial for effective self-advocacy in healthcare settings, ensuring your health needs and concerns are properly addressed.

   • Benefit: Openly discussing your health concerns and symptoms with healthcare providers leads to better diagnoses and treatments.

2. Increased Participation in Group Fitness

   • Action: Embrace the opportunity to join group exercises, classes, or sports. Overcome shyness by participating in these activities.

   • Benefit: Group settings provide motivation and a supportive environment, enhancing your physical fitness and creating connections with others who share similar health goals.

3. Stress Reduction & Improved Mental Health

   • Action: Actively engage in social interactions and relationship-building. Tackle social anxiety by putting yourself in social settings.

   • Benefit: Reduced social anxiety lowers overall stress levels, positively impacting both your mental and physical health.

B. Wealth

In achieving wealth and financial success, overcoming shyness is just as key:

1. Networking Opportunities

   • Action: Be proactive in networking. Engage in conversations, attend industry events, and build professional relationships.

   • Benefit: Expands career opportunities, collaborations, and insights into your industry, all crucial for financial advancement.

2. Effective Communication Skills

   • Action: Develop and utilize strong communication skills in all professional interactions, including discussions on finance and wealth management.

   • Benefit: Enhances leadership and collaboration abilities, directly impacting career success and financial stability.

3. Career Advancement

   • Action: Boldly voice your accomplishments and career aspirations. Seek opportunities for raises, promotions, or further education.

   • Benefit: Facilitates career growth, leading to higher-paying positions and improved financial well-being.

C. Relationships

Lastly and perhaps most importantly (we are social creatures after all) — relationships.

Building your self-confidence profoundly enhances your ability to form and maintain relationships:

1. Increased Social Opportunities

   • Action: Step out of your comfort zone to socialize, meet new people, and initiate conversations.

   • Benefit: Expands your social circle, fostering a sense of belonging and leading to supportive friendships and meaningful connections.

2. Deeper Emotional Connections & Conflict Resolution

   • Action: Share your thoughts and feelings with confidence, especially in moments of conflict.

   • Benefit: Builds authentic emotional bonds and equips you to resolve misunderstandings and conflicts effectively.

3. Self-Confidence in Dating

   • Action: Embrace your unique traits and strengths in romantic contexts. Be proactive in initiating conversations and expressing your feelings.

   • Benefit: Enhances your appeal in the dating scene, leading to more genuine and meaningful romantic connections.

Conclusion: overcome your shyness + build your self-confidence = fulfillment in each of these important aspects of your life.

Benefit: Living a happier and better life overall.

Tying It Back

Over the years, since that first terrible kissing experience, I forced myself to start taking one conscious risk at a day. This started as just speaking to people more. Making the conscious effort of speaking to anybody. Be it a waiter, another gym member, or just a random pedestrian.

Later on, in the interest of making those interactions more meaningful, I started carefully selecting the people I interacted with to match my interests.

And that's where music comes in today — I immersed myself in music scenes with chances of connecting with people who shared similar appeals.

And that was how I found my love for dancing.

For many (as was the case for myself), dancing in public was a daunting experience. But by doing it so frequently at all these festivals and concerts — I realized that there was no better way to connect with a fellow human than through dance. Many times, we were not even sharing one word with one another.

We would just dance together.

Tip:

Try to make the conscious effort of reminding yourself that everybody is already only thinking about themselves. Their outfit, their hair, their body, their overall look. Nobody else has the time to worry or even think about you.

If they happen to crack that code and do observe you — I encourage you to impress them.

Stunt on them.

Flex on them.

Or as you've always been told — picture them naked.

You decide.

My other tip is to find time to dance. Whether you're alone or not, just feel the music. Feel the energy, and just dance.

That's how I became less shy. I started dancing regularly and found myself (and others) through it.

And one last tip — take one conscious risk a day. Once you do this, you move forward. You realize there was nothing to fear from the beginning. True confidence comes from doing those uncomfortable things and realizing that they actually were not that uncomfortable to begin with it.

Doing it once creates that mental framework for all future times. With anybody, anywhere.

Thank you for reading.

Much love,

Julian

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